Alain de Botton, "How to overcome difficulties in social life"

The first of Asia’s “2016 School of Life” held in Seoul

Speech brings up important, yet rarely mentioned concerns 

World-renowned philosopher and writer Alain de Botton delivered a special lecture at Korea University at 3 pm on April 3. Held in Inchon Memorial Hall, the “2016 School of Life in Seoul Special Lecture” celebrated the establishment of the tenth ‘School of Life’ branch in Seoul. This marks the first branch in Asia – following others in Paris and Istanbul – of the School of Life first founded by de Botton in London in 2008. De Botton’s featured speech, “How to Overcome Difficulties in Social Life,” was followed by a discussion with Mina Sohn, the CEO of Sohnmina & Co; Ina Choi, the former deputy CEO of Cheil Worldwide Inc.; Young-Mee Yi, the former CEO of Penguin Classic Korea; and Jiho Park, the editor-in-chief of Arena Homme+.

The special lecture opened with a speech by Mina Sohn – a KU alumna as well as the principal of the School of Life in Seoul. She said that since 2008, when the School of Life was founded in London, she had wanted a branch to open in Seoul. Finally, through talks with de Botton, she announced, “it is my pleasure to bring the School of Life to Seoul, and to open this lecture at this lovely campus of my alma mater.” 

Sohn explained the concept behind the School of Life, noting that the curriculum involves applying what we have learned as young people in school to our real life matters. Sohn also introduced Alain de Botton as “a writer who looks into things that matter to everyone with his own philosophical lenses.” De Botton began by saying, “I am happy to come back to Korea – the country I love the most next to Switzerland. Today, I want to discuss happiness with you.” 

“Happiness in work and relationships is in fact a wholly new concept. For a long time in the human history, people haven’t thought that they should be happy in those two realms. Crazy about practicality and efficiency for money-making, they wouldn’t accept that they need learn to love and to relate with others. In the past, only those in the noblest and richest class had access to romantic love and vocations, but in the modern democracies, everyone can have them – although they are now considered as a nightmare, just like Sunday evening!,” de Botton said.

“Anxiety is one of the biggest challenges that we face – and I find it motivating. I know it’s tough, but you have to struggle to be happy. That’s why we need emotion trainings. You go to school to become an architect, a politician or a lawyer. But no school teaches how to love. Most people wouldn’t understand: why should we go to school to learn about love? But learning to love can make us happy. If we work for love, we can make our dreams come true.”

De Botton noted that working for love is different from working for money. He said, “It’s doing what you really want to do – given your values and ideals. What you should do with your life is a really important matter. Ask yourselves: what should I do with my life? Your parents and society – they worry about your unemployment; but they hardly care about whether you are satisfied with what you do. For us to lead a happy life, we first need to know what fits us – but our society seems to lack the mechanism that helps us to find one.”

“We often choose just any job because of the pressure from parents, and sometimes regard taking our own time as a waste,” he said, “but saying that enjoying leisure and video games is okay, whereas being stuck in one’s room to contemplate upon his own life is weird is unfair.” “We also need to rid ourselves of jealousy to be happy,” he also noted, adding “the myth that everyone is given an equal chance makes us fail to see the role luck plays in our life and thus be jealous of others. But the myth is a dangerous one, which implies that the unfortunate are unfortunate because they are losers, not because they were simply unlucky.”

“Even those who have professions that are widely regarded as socially prestigious complain about their job – that they don’t see the point of all they do, the meaning of it. This pushes them to see what reason they have for doing what they do. I think I shall emphasize this again: never kill parts of yourself because of what others think of you. Successes of the kind the society praises is of the narrowed kind. There are many, many different kinds of success, and achieving all of them is simply impossible. That’s why you need to find a right kind of success that means a lot to you, that makes you happy. This journey we are to embark upon is no easy, and even impossible when you all by yourself. So you will need a help. I hope the School of Life could be of help to you, where you can learn about love and other complicated emotions that we have, that is, about yourselves.”

As the one-hour lecture reached an end, the audience erupted in applause. In the Q&A Session following the lecture, some of the audiences asked him about how they should get to know about themselves. “It is like solving a puzzle with many pieces,” de Botton answered. “You may start by thinking of what you have learned and how you have lived in each day you can possibly recollect.”

Another Talk Session followed: Choi, Yi, Park, De Botton and Sohn, all of which are now mentors at the School of Life, answered another series of pre-collected and impromptu questions from the audience.

In response to one audience member’s concern that working hard seemed like a waste of time, Choi said, “Your work is what makes you better. It might seem rational to work just as hard as you are paid for what you provide, but doing your best will bring you priceless opportunities in the long run. (…) Think of how your experiences now will be valued in ten years.” Park answered a question about finding what to do and figuring out what you are passionate about, noting that people need to take time to reflect on themselves. Another concern was about the difficulties in finding the balance between work and personal life, to which Yi replied “Make yourself stronger,” adding that if people found a game or something they really liked, that this could help deal with stress.

The audience gave the three School of Life mentors another round of applause in response to the speakers’ sincere and warm-hearted advice. De Botton concluded the lecture by expressing his gratitude to the audience, enthusing, “I had such an amazing experience today!” He thanked the audience and speakers for their stories, adding that he hoped the School of Life would be of help to the audience in addressing the problems they would encounter in their daily lives.